


In the End, This Is Why

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: C.J. McGarry: Second Lady [14]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-06-04 20:03:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6673690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nothing could ever hurt her when Leo had his arms around her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the End, This Is Why

The first thing CJ did when she got to the condo was walk through and open all the doors to let in the fragrant Honolulu air. The second thing she did was take her husband by the waist and pull him close. Leo smiled; he didn't know what she was going to do. CJ snapped the cell phone from his waist and walked away to put it in the desk drawer. Leo couldn't help the growl of disappointment that came from his lips. CJ looked at him and smiled.

"What were you expecting?" she asked.

"I don't know."

"Liar." Her blue eyes sparkled.

"Well I can just say I was not expecting that. Let's leave it there Mrs. McGarry."

"Mmm hmm. Once a night you can check your messages, though no one should be calling because I threatened everyone efficiently. Anyway, if there is something pressing the Secret Service will be in here faster than I can say grab the covers'."

Leo laughed. He was not laughing at the memory of Bill bursting into their bedroom with his glock drawn. He laughed because they were planning to spend the next four days in various states of undress...at least Leo hoped they were. CJ only had one suitcase, a dress bag, and a small travel bag, a clear indication to her husband that clothes were unimportant this trip.

"What about your cell phone Claudia Jean? Take it off."

"It's in my purse and it is already turned off. Anything else you want me to remove Mr. Vice-President?"

The knock on the door interrupted Leo's attempt at seduction.

"Yeah." He called out.

Ron Butterfield walked in, smiling at the McGarrys. Well, smiling as Ron would. They were standing about six feet apart but it didn't matter. The electricity in the room was high voltage. Ron cleared his throat.

"Mr. Vice-President, the perimeter is secure. It's going to be a team of six; Bill, Sylvie, Derrick, Mac, Lucy, and myself. Ma'am, we ask you never to leave the condo without both female agents or with Bill. At 8am, 12pm, 4pm, and 8pm, we will do our daily sweep of the premises, including the inside of the condo. I've respected your request that no agent stay inside the condo while you are here sir."

"Thank you." Leo replied.

"There aren't any cameras in here, are there Ron?" CJ asked.

"No ma'am, not Secret Service issued. Thank you Mr. Vice-President."

"Thanks Ron."

He was on the other side of the door before Leo smiled at his wife.

"I believe you were saying something Mrs. McGarry." 

"Hmm? Oh yeah, I'm hungry."

"Claudia Jean."

Leo made a grab for her and CJ squealed. She let him grab her around the waist and pull her down on the couch. CJ smiled, wrapping her long arms around his neck.

"You're a quick guy Leo. That surprises me, considering your advanced years."

"Cute."

He kissed her; CJ melted into his arms. He still tasted of the vanilla Coke he had on Air Force Two. He leaned back on the couch but CJ pulled away from him.

"Where are you going baby?"

He was ready to go...CJ had not been giving him much attention lately. He knew that she was still upset about the second term, but she was also knee deep in her Alzheimer's projects and her new platform for the second Administration, rising AIDS cases for young people and children all over the world.

"Oh you are going to have to be much more than adorable to seduce me Leopold. This is my vacation and I want to enjoy every minute."

He sat up on his elbows.

"Do I have to pass tests for attention?" he asked.

CJ laughed.

"Shut up. We just got here Leo; there is plenty of time for everything we want to do. Right now, I'm hungry and I am going to raid the fridge."

"I'm not hungry." Leo gingerly touched his erection, willing it away as she climbed off the couch.

"OK. Relax honey, watch TV or something. No news!"

\-----------------------------------------------

CJ sat on the beach, lathering on the SPF 45. When she was done with that, it was time for Sandra Brown and Maroon 5 on her IPod. Lucy sat next to her in a lounge chair, looking as if she were relaxing. She still wore a wireless earpiece and underneath the fluffy towels and the old issues of Cosmo was a Glock. Sylvie was sitting on a towel close to CJ's feet, dressed as if she had winners in the next round of volleyball. She was also packing heat. CJ suddenly felt lonely; surrounded by women with no one to talk to. She missed Nora and Donna, felt like she should have had them along. They would have been the excuse she needed to avoid real conversation with her husband.

On the surface, the McGarry marriage was just fine. They looked good in all of the pictures, the tabloids had quieted for now on the rift and divorce rumors, and the kids were still precocious and adorable. On the inside, it was flaking like a leaking dam. CJ thought she was able to handle the reelection...even recovered nicely from the Cherry Hill debacle. However, as the inauguration crept closer she could not stop the feelings of dread from taking over. It would happen in her staff meetings, while she was reading briefs, or trying to get a few quality minutes with her babies.

Reelection. All the horrible events that marred President Bartlet's second time around would not leave her head. She was having nightmares again, and keeping it from Leo. She was so afraid that Tim or Charlie would leave for school and never come back. That a crowd would swell at some appearance and in a moment of confusion she would be whisked into a black van.

'Flamingo check. The Second Lady is secure; reading and tanning. Right sir.' 

CJ looked around at the couples kissing, the kids frolicking in the ocean or building sand castles, and she missed the real world. There was a helicopter overhead and her cynical mind told her it was Us Weekly or People, trying to get shots of her on vacation. Some men walked by and took a good look at her. A 46-year-old woman in a bikini, a discreet bikini, CJ McGarry still had it. One of them spokeshe wondered if they realized who she was or if they were just checking out a beautiful woman.

"Hey." He said.

Sylvie stared him down pretty hard but he kept up his slow saunter.

"Hello." CJ gave a little wave.

"What's your name sweetie?"

"Taken." She waved her diamond. "Sorry."

"Not a problem. Tell him he's lucky; you're beautiful."

"Thank you."

They kept walking and Lucy looked at the Second Lady.

"Nice save ma'am." She said.

"It is nice to be noticed. Hell, I wasn't even sure if I wanted to go for the two-piece today."

"You look hot ma'am." Sylvie replied. "If I was off duty and you weren't the protectee..." 

"Thanks Sylvie. That feels good; I know how picky you are."

"Yes ma'am."

"She uses her pickiness as an excuse not to date Mrs. McGarry." Lucy said.

"Shut up." Sylvie said through clenched teeth.

CJ laughed, going back to her novel.

\-------------------------------------------------

"Guess what?"

CJ plopped on the couch, throwing her long legs over the arm and putting her head in her husband's lap. Leo stroked her hair with one hand and her bare stomach with the other. How was it possible that she still looked so damn hot in a bikini?

"What baby?"

"I got hit on down at the beach."

"What!"

"Mmm hmm, and Sylvie thinks I look hot in my bikini...you know how picky she is about the women she ogles.

Leo had no idea Sylvie was picky; he didn't know she ogled women at all.

"Who hit on you? I thought that was why you had agents; to keep the riffraff at bay."

"You wish. Some guy, kind of cute, muscular."

"I hate him."

CJ smiled.

"You know that I only have eyes for one man." She said.

"You better."

Leo bent to kiss her; CJ stroked the back of his neck. She moaned into the kiss as Leo's hand moved lower, breaking the elastic barrier of her bikini bottoms. CJ spread her legs a bit, giving him better access even if part of her wanted to make him wait. They had not made love since the night of Inauguration...CJ never denied her man or herself celebration sex. Though it was only four weeks ago, the Second Lady could count on one hand the number of times she and Leo made love between Election Day and the Inauguration. It was not as if she shut off her affection, she had not, but Leo got the message after a whilemaking love was not an option.

"Damn baby, you feel so good. I want you so much."

CJ removed his hands from her briefs. She sat up and started walking to the bedroom.

"CJ? Where?"

"Come to the bedroom Leo."

That was unlike her, where it happened never tended to bother her. Of course, there were at least three agents outside the front door at all times. A little privacy was not unheard of.

\---------------------------------------------

CJ stripped out of her bikini, lying across the bed naked. Leo had memorized every inch of that body...every freckle, scar, line, and bruise. She was still in excellent shape; as beautiful in her natural state at 46 as she had been at 36. Her body was the one thing CJ took care of with a selfish pride. Leo had to admit to himself that she was more beautiful now. The deep beauty of a woman growing older with grace and strength was nothing if not a turn-on. He went to lift the Polo shirt over his head but CJ shook her head.

"No?"

"No. Come here Leopold."

He slipped out of his loafers, climbing onto the bed and into his wife's waiting arms. CJ captured his mouth in a kiss as his hand drew up her sides.

"I love you Leo." She whispered.

"I love you too."

As they kissed, CJ bundled the tee shirt up and yanked it over his head. The kisses became more intense as CJ ran her fingers down his bypass scar. Leo moved down to her neck, across to her earlobes. He nibbled them and all CJ could do was giggle. Shivers of euphoria coursed through her like an electrical current. Down to her breasts, caressing and touching. She arched her back and cried out. Her pleasure only drove Leo on. Across her stomach, first with his hands and then with his lips and tongue. CJ arched her lower body up, yearning for him to touch her there. Leo went for the element of surprise; wrapping his tongue around one nipple as he stroked the other breast with his hand.

"Oh God...Leo."

CJ could hardly breathe. Leo moved slowly, his tongue soft and tender on hot skin.

"Touch me Leo." She begged.

He wasn't ignoring her as he switched breasts. When Leo took control he always did it at his own pace. CJ did the same thing, except right now she didn't care about that.

"Oh God, please."

She took her own hand and moved it between her thighs. That made Leo stop...it turned him on like nothing else to watch her touch herself.

"You want to be alone baby. I'm sure I can find something on ESPN."

CJ just looked at him.

"Mmm, Leo."

He ran his hand down her stomach again.

"Don't stop baby, you're so beautiful."

CJ's eyes rolled back in her head as she took in one finger, two, and then three. Her thumb stroked her clit. When she whimpered, Leo moaned. That sound was so sexy. He touched his erection beneath the cotton of his shorts and boxers.

"Does that feel good baby, because it looks so good. Come for me Claudia Jean."

She came, shouting his name though he didn't touch her at all. Leo tore his shorts off but left his boxers on at his wife's request. He moved his body between her thighs, holding her legs far apart.

"I want you so bad." Leo said.

"Show me."

One fluid motion and Leo was inside her. Leo was aggressive in his sex and CJ practically screamed. She lifted her hips to feel him deeper.

"Oh God CJ!"

"Fuck me Leo! Fuck me! Harder! Oh God, harder!"

Leo took hold of her hips, practically pinning her to the bed. All she could feel was his body, heavy on hers, thrusting.

"Fuck me Leo! Now! Now!"

"I am!" he exclaimed.

"Oh God, its 10 of 4." CJ said as her body stiffened.

"Who gives a damn? Calm down CJ, you're tensing baby."

"The Secret Service Leo, at 4 o'clock. Oh God, speed up, hurry up."

"No. Uhh...baby, it'll be fine. Stop talking now."

She was screwing with his concentration. Leo put his hand lightly over her mouth.

"But..."

"Claudia Jean." He sat up on his knees, pulling her to him, pushing into her as far as he could go.

CJ was incoherent. She grabbed the sheets and whimpered her pleasure. He was coming and CJ pulled him to her.

"I love you." He said as he released.

CJ was right behind him, her nails digging into his back.

"Oh Leo."

She was crying as she held him on top of her. When Ron, Bill, and Sylvie came in for the sweep CJ's longtime agent just closed the bedroom door. No one disturbed the Vice-President and Second Lady.

"That was close." CJ said.

Leo wiped the tears tenderly from her face.

"They are used to it. I love you CJ."

"I love you too."

"You want to tell me what's wrong then." He said.

"Nothing is wrong. I'm just burnt out, that is why I wanted a vacation. I want to eat in tonight."

"We'll do whatever you want baby. Including talk, if you want."

"I don't really." CJ replied, gently pushing on his chest.

Leo got the message and moved to his side of the bed. From there he tried to get a good look at his wife. She closed her eyes, hoping not to feel his eyes on her.

"Leo, I..."

There was a knock on the door.

"All clear Mr. Vice-President."

"Thank you Ron. What were you saying baby?"

"I need to take a shower." She sat up on in bed. "My acrobatic skills are not what they once were."

Leo put his hand on the small of her back; CJ tried to hide the fact that she cringed.

\----------------------------------------------

Leo had trouble sleeping that night. He cooked dinner and then they spent the evening relaxing. He read Sherlock Holmes mysteries while CJ toiled over crossword puzzles. John Coltrane played from the stereo and though they hardly spoke, they did play footsie on the couch. CJ went to bed first; said the small boxes gave her a headache. She stood, leaning over to kiss Leo.

"Goodnight baby. I'll be in soon."

"OK."

CJ was already asleep when Leo got in bed. They did not sleep back to back, they only had once and it was one of the most excruciating nights of their marriage. Still, Leo lay on his back, knowing full well it was not conducive to him getting any sleep. CJ faced him, sleeping on her side. He did not want to disturb her, but most of all Leo did not want to be rejected.

When she murmured his name in her sleep it wasn't surprising. But when she began to cry, Leo became concerned.

"Leo? Leo? I'm so scared Leo, help me."

He put his arms around her and for a moment she fought him...didn't realize he would keep her safe.

"Its alright Claudia Jean." He murmured as she molded her body to his and the tears subsided. "Talk to me baby please."

Her arms tightened around him and Leo kissed her forehead. He was finally able to fall asleep when they were in each other's arms.

\-------------------------------------------------

"You would tell me if I didn't look good in something, right Leopold?"

The next afternoon, beautiful and sunny, CJ and Leo walked Honolulu's main drag with four plainclothes agents who fit in like sore thumbs. CJ was used to it...she knew her picture had been taken at least 10 times since they left the condo 20 minutes before.

"What do you mean?" Leo asked, pushing his sunglasses up on his face.

"Well, take the outfit I am currently wearing." She said. CJ was dressed in white cropped pants and a pink v-neck tank top that exposed just enough of her midriff to make men stare. She looked amazing. "You would tell me if it were unflattering right? You know if I shouldn't be wearing it cuz of my age and everything?"

Bill smirked and so did Mac. Don't do it sir, they both thought to themselves.

"Is this one of those conversations where I end up on the couch in the end?" Leo asked. "Possibly with a black eye?"

"Just answer the question."

"I have never once seen you wear anything unflattering. You are physically perfect...Aphrodite."

"Thank you honey. Let's go into Prada."

"Yes ma'am."

Leo let CJ spend her day shopping and talking. He didn't complain once about the long walks. He let the topics of conversation remain superficial; there was no way she would get into what was bugging her with the detail around. He wished sometimes he could pump her agents for information, but they were there to protect her, not gossip and speculate. It was essential to her safety that CJ trust them enough to be herself around them. Anyway, Leo already knew that electric shocks and hot pokers up the ass would not make Bill and Sylvie reveal any of the Second Lady's secrets. He was grateful for how much they cared about his wife.

"You had a nightmare last night."

They were back in the condo. CJ's bags scattered everywhere, her lounging on the couch. Leo sat in the chair with a bottle of water.

"What?"

"You were crying CJ, calling my name and telling me you were scared."

CJ shrugged.

"I don't remember." She said.

"You always remember your nightmares." Leo replied, more to himself than to her.

"Not this one." her tone was snippy. "I'm sorry. Look, I honestly don't remember crying in my sleep last night." She lied.

They were both quiet.

"What were you doing awake? Are you having trouble sleeping again?"

"No." Leo lied. "I heard you crying and it scared me."

"Oh."

They were both lying...it had come to that. CJ took a deep breath as Leo sipped his water.

"I had another dream that I was kidnapped."

"What?" Leo sat beside her on the couch. "How long have you been having this nightmare?"

"On and off since I was held hostage. More since the reelection."

"CJ..."

"Don't promise me it won't happen. It can happen; its part of their worse case scenario plan. I know it."

"Who told you that?" Leo asked.

"No one had to tell me Leo. I was White House Press Secretary and Chief of Staff. I am married to the Vice-President of the United States. If someone grabs me, they are going to get their 15 minutes of fame."

Leo nodded. CJ was a highly visible individual. Her popularity eclipsed his, and he was the most famous Vice-President in US history. She was even more popular than the First Lady, and that caused enough problems.

"No one is ever..."

"Stop, don't say it. They shot at us in the White House."

"I know. Out in the air no one can get close to you. These guys are going to keep you safe; they may die keeping you safe."

"Leo, the President was shot at Rosslyn. I've been shot and I never want to experience that again."

"Yeah. Baby, this is so hard for me."

"Let's eat dinner." CJ said.

Leo didn't want to eat dinner; he wanted to talk to his wife. Apparently, the conversation was over for now. He sighed.

"I could eat a massive steak." Leo said.

CJ laughed.

"Keep dreaming buster. How about a small steak and some broiled shrimp."

"I will nod because clearly I have no choice."

"Good answer Leo." She patted his thigh. "Come on, I'm hungry."

\---------------------------------------------

"Lets have a toast." CJ held up her glass of Chardonnay.

"To what Mrs. McGarry?"

CJ held up his Ginger ale. They sat in the secluded corner of the finest seafood restaurant in Hawaii. The surf and turf in front of Leo was half-gone; CJ hardly touched her crab and shrimp salad.

"To our life together. To the times I want to kill you and you want to kill me. To the times we only find comfort with each other. To the two lives we created from our love and to growing old together."

"I'll be growing older than you." Leo said.

"Shut up. To the ups and downs, the hair dryers, and flying paperweights. To the rest of our lives."

"To us."

CJ sipped her wine.

"I'm scared Leo."

"I know."

"It creeps into my mind all the time now. Someone grabbing Tim or Charlie, taking me, or killing you. You having another heart attack or more of those seizures. I imagine someone hurting Toby, Nora, Charlie, or Donna. My dreams are twisted and dark. I get headaches, stomachaches, and I worry about you so much. The worst part is I know this is how it is. I still can't get it out of my head."

"CJ, I want to call Stanley Keyworth."

"No" she shook her head. She was not talking to a shrink.

"CJ."

"No Leo." She said it a bit too loud. Bill turned and looked at them, turning back when he saw they were not about to have a fight. He knew what the beginnings of a McGarry fight looked like...had all the steps etched in his brain.

"Claudia Jean, there is no shame in asking for help, or needing it. Your fears are valid baby, but they are eating at you. I don't want you to drive yourself insane."

She nodded, once again picking at her dinner.

"OK. I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Alright baby."

\---------------------------------------------------

Leo woke again to the sound of his wife's tears. This time she was not beside him in the bed. He looked around the room with sleepy eyes. He found her on the floor, at the foot of the bed. Her knees were drawn to her chest, feet crossed, head on her knees.

"Oh CJ, baby talk to me."

"I hate you and that really hurts." She sobbed. "This is all your fault...it is your fault we were shot at again. It is your fault we are here. I hate you Leo, but I love you so much. I'm lost and I want to cling to you. I don't know what to do."

"We gotta call Stanley CJ. I don't know how to help you if you won't talk to me. I'm so sorry you're mad at me. I'm so sorry for what I've done."

"But I love you." CJ looked at him with a tear stained face, looking just like their little girl.

"I know. Come here and let me hold you."

Leo helped her back onto the bed. CJ sniffled, kissing him.

"I know that I'm tired of crying. I hate this."

"You are going to be alright. It's all been too much. I thought you were OKI should have paid more attention. I need you to forgive me for that."

There was no break for her. Press Secretary, Chief of Staff, Second Lady. Leo never let all that she had been through dig too deep into his head...it was his fault. He loved her and never wanted to be responsible for her hurting, but he was. He always was. CJ shook her head, as if she could read his thoughts of hating himself. She buried her face in his chest as Leo ran his fingers up and down her spine. He sighed when she snaked her arms around his middle and rubbed his stomach.

"CJ."

He did not want to make love and put a Band-Aid on a bursting dam. He was tired of their sex being a diversion from whatever problems they faced...when had it become that. When had CJ started using her body as a distraction? Why was it so hard for Leo to put up his hands and say no?

"Just hold me." She whispered.

"I am never letting you go. I promise baby. Try and get some sleep."

"I just don't want anyone else we love to be hurt. I thought I was handling it OK."

"You're fine, considering. We're going to make sure you get the help you need. Just fall CJ; I got you."

CJ closed her eyes, trying to relax in Leo's arms. It was the safest place in the world for her. Under covers, legs tangled, and arms around each other. Inhaling the scent of his rain-scented body wash and pure Leo smell. Listening to the thump-thump of his heartbeat as his fingers crawled up and down her back. Feeling his chest rise and fall with the breath of wakefulness and then the breath of sleep. Nothing could ever hurt her when Leo had his arms around her.

\---------------------------------------------

Leo woke first the next morning and looked out the rain soaked patio doors. God could he and CJ ever go on vacation and not have one day rained out? Thunder rumbled in the distance as if to say 'you wish buddy'. The clock beside his head said 9:47. He slept peacefully the night before and CJ didn't have any nightmares. She still slept in his arms, looking beautiful. Leo couldn't help but kiss her. CJ sighed contently before opening her eyes.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"Who cares, we're on vacation. Guess what though, its raining."

CJ laughed against his chest; Leo felt the butterflies he always did when she laughed. They didn't talk much and Leo thought she fell asleep again.

"The McGarry vacation streak continues." She said. "I love you Leo."

"I love you too."

"When it is all going to hell I know that. That is all I can ask for. What if it was going to hell and I was alone?"

"You are a very strong woman Claudia Jean." He replied.

"You don't have to tell me that, I know that; I had to be. But part of being strong, for me anyway, means knowing when you need help or support. I need you right now."

"I'm here, I'm always here. I want to listen or just hold you. What I don't want is you having nightmares and keeping it from me. I can't help if I don't know CJ. These worse case scenarios are going to make you so paranoid soon you will be afraid to leave the house."

"Yeah. If I talk to Stanley do you think he can cure me in 8 hours like he did Josh?"

"I don't know baby. He didn't cure Josh in eight hour...she diagnosed him.

"He's kind of expensive; I certainly don't want to make a habit out of seeing him." She said.

"Money means nothing to me. I have plenty to spend. Especially when it comes to you. I'm glad that you want to see Stanley."

"I know when I need help Leo, hint hint. I also like being Second Lady. I mean, people listen to me and I get to champion causes that are important. I am an inspiration to my own daughter, and daughters everywhere even if I did get the job because of who I am married to."

"Hey, it is the only job you've ever gotten because of your husband." Leo reminded her.

CJ nodded.

"I just want to be me, even with all the fluctuations." She said. "I want to feel mostly normal again."

"You will. This is the beginning. How do you feel this morning?"

"Honestly?"

"Yeah."

"I feel like I really want to make love to my husband. I haven't felt that in a long time...not like I'm feeling it right now."

"Really? I don't want our sex, our lovemaking, to be a distraction anymore Claudia Jean. I mean, its not all the time, but I never ever want it to be about what is wrong between us. It should only ever be about what is right."

"I believe that too. That is what it is always about for me. When I am scared, lost, everything is chaotic, or even when I am so angry I can't see straight, I want to be close to you. When this is all over Leo, it is just going to be me and you and I need to feel that and remember that sometimes. With you I am happy, and safe. I don't use sex to cover our problems, at least I never intend to. I just always want to be close to you."

"I couldn't agree more Mrs. McGarry."

CJ straddled him and let him slay her demons as she had done for him countless times. Then she fell asleep as Leo made breakfast and contemplated how to spend their day inside. He talked with Ron and then thought about this vacation. It was their chance to relax and reconnect. He wanted to make sure when they got back to the frenetic pace of DC they could close their eyes for a few moments and be back in Hawaii. They were together and fighting for it and that was what mattered. Before this, after this, and during the really tough times, CJ and Leo were together.

"Hey, did you make coffee?" CJ stumbled out of the bedroom adjusting her glasses.

"That is a silly question." Leo kissed her mouth and she tasted of mouthwash.

That would certainly change; she lit a cigarette.

"You should quit."

"You should shut up." CJ replied.

CJ poured herself a cup of coffee.

"I love you baby."

"I know. You better, cuz I am certainly the best thing that ever happened to you Leopold."

"Not everyday." He replied with a smirk.

"Oh ha ha. There are plenty of comedy clubs if you would like to try your hand at the circuit darling."

Leo smiled and so did CJ. Neither one of them was giving this up...the rest would work itself out. Sometimes it would need help, like Stanley Keyworth or a strategically thrown dinner plate, but it was their love, their marriage, and their life.


End file.
